I kill pigs. I am a pig killer. Big pigs, small pigs, fast pigs, slow pigs,
momma pigs, daddy pigs, little baby pigs. Black pigs, brown pigs, yellow pigs,
red pigs, tan pigs, calico pigs, striped pigs, swine of every imaginable
description. I kill them all.
My favorite entrée on the dinner menu in the world class dining
establishments where I dine is the scrumptious suckling pig. Dead, grilled small pigs are my favorite.
I kill pigs in California, Hawaii, New Mexico, Texas, Louisiana, Alabama,
Mississippi, Florida, Georgia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Ohio, South Carolina, North
Carolina, Michigan, New York, Pennsylvania, and beyond. I like a pig in a poke.
I like to poke pigs with sharp sticks. Ham baby. Smoked ham. Terminus
porkarado. Pulled pork on the hoof. Swine is my life. I will kill more pigs. I
will never stop. I love hogs. This HogManDo. Often.
It's All About The Pork
I would make the consummate United States Congressman. I am all about the pork.
Pork barrel spending is an American tradition. More pork I say.
I have celebrated the immense pleasure of killing pigs with handguns,
rifles, shotguns, crossbows, longbows, recurve bows, compound bows, and with my F-250.
I killed a pig with a knife in Hawaii once. It was splendid. Our tax dollars
are used to hire guys in helicopters with machineguns to annihilate wild hogs
by the millions. I want in ASAP. A pig is slaughtered every minute someplace in
the world to provide life sustaining pork products for the masses. This is
good. Bacon. Bring it home.
There are plenty of them. They breed like pigs.
I like my pork roasted, baked, BBQd, sautéed, sizzled, smoked, stir fried,
fried, deep fried, basted, sweet and sour, Cajun, Oriental, pressure-cooked,
pit-cooked, pigs in a blanket, rotisseried, shishkabobbed, bacon wrapped, blackened, and boiled. Kosher is crazy. Pork is food. Know it, love it,
kill it and grill it. Swine down.
You would think that after more than a dozen thrilling African safaris -- killing lion, buffalo, elephant, rhino, greater kudu, eland, zebra, gemsbok,
impala, warthog, tsetsebee, tiang, blesbok, nyala, reedbuck, waterbuck,
bushbuck, white-eared kob, lesser kudu, Lord Derby Eland, steenbok, dik-dik,
duiker, springbok, giraffe, sable, roan, baboon, wildebeest, and hunting the amazing
North American buffalo, elk, moose, grizzly bear, black bear, whitetail deer,
mule deer, blacktail deer, musk ox, cougar, caribou, javelina, and wild hogs by
the thousands -- that a simple, standard, plain old ordinary pig wouldn't
excite me that much anymore.
You would be wrong. I do believe that wild pigs are to this day, and will more
than likely forevermore remain, my bowhunting quarry of choice. Pigs turn me
Hunts With Texas Governor
To say they are ubiquitous doesn't quite convey the reality of it. For wild
pigs are taking over America. Thank God for me. I am here to fix this plague.
I've got the arrows and the will.
Today I arose from a bed in a camper shared with my favorite pig bowhunting
buddy, the good Governor of Texas, Rick Perry. Rick and I annually converge on
the pig-infested grounds of our friend and BloodBrother Lannie Vinson in the
wilds near Albany, Texas, to harass Rio Grand turkeys and herds of feral swine.
Following a belly-fortifying breakfast with our tribe of hearty wildmen, I
was guided to my morning ambush site by Lannie's son Ross, where I settled into
a sturdy ladderstand surrounded by gobbling turkeys and warbling songbirds.
The wind howled, the temperature rose, and I arrowed a fat rascally raccoon,
but other than some whitetails, that is all I saw.
After 3-1/2 patience-testing hours on stand, I decided to four-wheel it back
to camp, but made it only half-way when I saw the sounder of hogs crossing a
large wheat field amongst the angus cattle.
I made a hasty, dust-blowing 180 and Baja'd back to the forest along the
river in the direction my pretty little things were headed. It is a good
thing I am aggressive and drove and ran as fast as I could, for when I covered
the mile and entered the woods, I could see the dozen or so swine about to exit
the open field and enter my little enchanted forest. God must love pig hunters,
or at least this one, because the best cover I had was right in line with the
path chosen by the pigs, and a pork lovers planet alignment was about to
Hunkering behind a thick hanging tangle of green briar, my nocked arrow was
pointing perfectly ahead when my sight picture became filled with calico
pigness. At a delightful 15 yards, my sight pin settled in the magic triangle
of shoulder, foreleg, and pump station ribs, and I let arrow No. 1 rip.
Instantaneously I slid arrow No. 2 onto the bowstring as the other pigs
stopped abruptly to look at the now scrambling, squealing sow with a bloody
hole through her chest. In about two seconds my sight pin swung onto the
ribcage of the second largest hog, found the shoulder, and at 25 yards the
glowing Lumenok told no lie. THUNK-SQUEAL!
There is no question that my daily ritual of shooting hundreds of arrows
just paid off in the smooth, graceful, tactical bowhunting ballet that I had
just performed. Like putting a fork full of food in your mouth enough times, we
don't have to look or think about what we are doing, and the arrow nock
naturally found the string and allowed me to kill both hogs before the sounder
knew what was happening. I cannot tell you how much I love that.
Both sows made it only 40 yards or so, and both were shot nicely through the good
stuff. Both would go about 120 pounds and represented a BBQ-lovers dream.
The rigorous, sweat-inducing ritual of loading up and returning to camp with
the two handsome beasts for photos was as wonderful as every enjoyable aspect
of the hunt. Much celebration carried on.
Pigs Do A Lot Of Damage
Landowners love pig killers, as the Texas Department of Parks and Wildlife
figures wild hogs do more than $100 million in damage to crops and land in
Texas every year. You got that? $100 million annually. Mucho dinero amigo. Aye
Kill pigs. It is the perfect thing to do. The more the merrier. Wild hog
pork is absolutely delicious, natural, and good for you. Pig down. Go wild.
One astonishing side note-considering how infatuated I am with pigs, it is
weird I never dated a hippie. Strange.
To kill pigs with Ted, visit tednugent.com or call Sunrize Safaris at 800-343-4868.
Ted Nugent is best known for his musical career where the "Motor City Madman" recorded 29 albums between 1967-1997, selling over 30 million copies. Ted has hunted for over 40 years and will share his love of the sport in this column. "The future of the shooting sports in this country is in the hands of tomorrow's outdoorsmen and women," Ted says. "The youth of America must be educated in the wholesome and valued world of hunting and conservation ... because rock 'n roll plays such a pivotal role in a young person's life, I will share my wonderful lifestyle and experience with them." Ted writes two columns a month for sportsmansguide.com.